Mike's F'd Up Journey Sans Frontières

Mike's F'd Up Journey Sans Frontières

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Is it any wonder they rejected him first? Slate is confused as to why he isn't as famous as he thinks he should be.

Tired of being ignored by the Tabloid Media, Slate Man, the heavily tattooed dude with too much phony facial hair who 'sings' for the American 'rock band' MFUJ, decided to stage a press conference with the very media elites that he felt were ignoring him. The following is a transcript of that heavily rehearsed rant.

Slate: "Ladies....and gentlemen of the so-called 'press', I have called you together to discuss a most egregious event. No, it's not Kony 2012. No, it's not Trayvon either. And it is definitely not UFOs *hums the X-Files Theme for an obnoxious amount of time*. No, the big story I want to discuss is....well, the media's complete and utter lack of coverage of...ME!"

Journalist  1: "Who are you?"

Slate: *stumbles* "What? How can you say that?! You showed up here and you don't even know who I am?"

Journalist 1: "I received an envelope with a hundred dollars and a note telling me to show up here."

Journalist 2: "Yeah, I got that too."

Journalist 3: "I didn't get any money. I wanted to come here."

Slate: "Thank you. So you know who I am."

Journalist 3: "Yeah, you're Slate Man, frontman of the band Mike's Fg'd up Journey...."

Slate: "Thank you..."

Journalist 3: "...and the worst rock singer of the last 20 years. I wanted to tell you that in person."

Slate: "...for that. Ok. So we've established who I am, minus the commentary from Jealous McGee over here. I am a rock and roll frontman from a band that has the F-word in the name.  How am I not on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine?"

Journalist 1: "Because you're not newsworthy?"

Journalist 2: "There are more important stories out there?"

Journalist 3: "You have yet to release a song that doesn't make one want to impale their own ear drums with needles?"

Slate: "WTF! What the hell does it take to get your attention? Do I need to wear a suit made of meat? I tried that in 2007 but Tigerman kept eating the sleeves before I could leave the house. Do I have to crash an awards ceremony and interrupt some else's speech? Well, I tried to do that at 2009 MTV Music Awards but security put me in a headlock and kicked me halfway across the country. Do I have to make a sex tape? Well, I tried, but I couldn't get the camera to stay in focus...

Journalist 3: "And?"

Slate: *Reluctantly* "...and I couldn't find a woman who found me attractive."

*The journalists snicker relentlessly, hissing like snakes, giggling like coyotes.*

Slate: "Hey! That's not funny! I'm a ****ing Rock star! I demand to be given the recognition I deserve!"

 Days later an article was printed across several prominent rock periodicals with the title: "Slate Man: Rock's Least Sexy Frontman."

No comments:

Post a Comment