To My Future Second Wife Part 1: Hello, I Love You, Won't you tell me your name?

And now resident romantic, Tigerman, addresses his second bride-to-be, whoever she might be. No, we can't believe that they gave him five more of these to write either.

Dear you, wonderful, beautiful you,

In case you have no idea who I am, I am your future husband and you are my future second wife. Don't worry. The divorce will have been finalized by the time the two of us took our vows. But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself.

Hello. I'm Tigerman. The two of us may or may not have met yet. Perhaps you were an artistic beauty with a western European accent, let's say French, and the two of us exchange longing glances of unbridled passion from both near and afar. Or perhaps while traveling through Asia, I wake up in a brothel next to you and your co-workers. Or maybe you saved my life when I was drowning in the Amazon river and resuscitated me with those luscious lips of yours.

Yes, the possibilities are endless but due to time constraints and I can only list the PG rated possibilities.

Darling, regardless of how we meet (if we haven't already), I just want you to know that I won't repeat the mistakes that will doom my first marriage. I promise not to sleep with every last one of your girlfriends. I promise not to trick your ridiculously wealthy great grandmother to make me her sole heir. I also promise not to convince your cats that you are secretly tring to poison them, thus triggering the great feline paranoia epidemic of 20XX.

I know that I have a lot that I need to work on before our inevitable marriage. Yet how can I work on faults that I haven't yet developed? This whole time-space continuum thing is just out of control. I just want to love you like Antony loved Cleopatra, minus the end of that story. You may ask me why we can't be together now, well that's because my first marriage has not even begun  yet. Apparently it needs to happen or the very fabric of reality will be torn asunder.

I don't like it any more than you, but be patient my love.

Sincerely

Yours future husband

Tigerman

P.S. What's your name?

Tigerman is a self-taught bass player as well as a six foot tall anthropomorphic tiger creature. He spends all of the time he isn’t playing music talking about his future wives. We were just as sad as you were when we find out about this contractual snafu. Whoever told Tigerman to keep writing these letters is fired. Audience participation!