Hello. This is your friendly neighborhood narrator… you’re ripping off Spiderman… No I’m not. Yeah, you are. Never mind. You may be wondering who the hell these characters are that you keep reading about week after week, the colorful and borderline psychopathic band members of MFUJ. Each member has a long and sordid history and you’ll probably need to know where they’ve all come from before the big mid season finale rears its ugly, ratings hungry head. Since Brick is the obvious lead character, being the lead guitarist, chief songwriter and founder of MFUJ, we will begin with an abridged version of his life story.
Brick began his life as most characters do, as a baby. Well, he was a fetus before that but let’s not get hung up on details. His father was a legendary guitarist from a now forgotten 70’s hard rock band. It was his collection of great records that eventually inspired Brick to follow in his footsteps, though that wasn’t necessarily the path his father wanted for him. Details about Brick’s childhood are not well known. Hell, even he can’t remember much about it.
We jump ahead now to his teen years where he was forced to attend an elite private high school filled with soul crushing schoolmasters and future corrupt businessmen in training who cheat their way to the top. Unable to cope with the sinister academic machinations being forced on him by the lackluster teaching staff, Brick delved further into rock music for comfort and hope. On his 18th birthday, he received a mysterious gift in the mail, a blue guitar from his long absent father. With a single run through of Smoke on the Water, Brick caught the guitarist bug and his days at the academy were numbered. After a particularly gruesome encounter with the most jaded, rock-n-roll-hatingest professor, Brick was expelled and he left the school to find his own way in life.
After wandering the streets, Brick was accidentally drafted into the military. Although he had immense respect for the men and women of the armed services, he chose to spend his time learning how to master his guitar rather than practice combat skills. His abrasive drill sergeant certainly didn’t take kindly to Brick playing Rocky Raccoon instead of doing push-ups. Again, there was a regrettable altercation between Brick and his superior that resulted in Brick being dishonorably discharged.
Penniless and homeless, Brick wandered around trying to get a record contract but kept getting rejected in favor of artists who were more attractive and had access to auto-tune. Depressed, Brick began spending all of his time slumming in the halls of the OTU, a haven for those who liked talking about random stuff. It was there he met characters like Jrodsly and Vipa, who would help him form the OTU band. They went on to record some demos and tried looking for a record deal. One day, they got the offer a lifetime: the chance to audition for legendary Gamespot Records producer/manager G Mod (who gained fame for his work with groups like legendary 80’s band Super Mario and the Koopa Troopas).
Descending into the bowels of the Gamespot office building, complete with marble tile floor patterns and 80’s recording technology, Brick met the gravelly voiced glutton, G Mod. He expressed that he enjoyed the band’s sound but if he were to sign them to the record label, they would have to ban the outspoken co-lead guitarist Vipa. Having already signed the papers, Brick regretted selling out his comrade for a chance at fame and fortune but the damage was already done. Vipa went into exile, leaving no info of where he was going. Eventually the other members of the OTU band either left or were dismissed by the manipulative G Mod, leaving Brick as the sole musician in the band. It was at this point that Brick grew his hair out long, stopped shaving and developed an affinity for plaid. The band changed its name to Mike’s F’d Up Journey, as a tribute to Brick’s mysteriously absent father.
Of course this was only part of the story. We’ll get to how the other three became involved with the band in a future installment. Now enjoy vintage Scorpions, before they sold out.
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