And So the Journey Begins...

Hello.

Welcome.

Salutations.

Wassup?

Never thought I’d see YOU here. How are you, you crazy bastard?

Oh no, It’s the first post and I’ve already resorted to calling people bastards. This is a PR nightmare. Think. We can still salvage this blog before it gets shut down or worse, ignored. Dammit. They didn’t teach us how to handle internal monologues at Blog School. Wait, Blog School? I’m freaking out for no reason. Wait, did I just say Dammit? That’s worse than saying bastard… I hope no one is keeping score at home. Or at work. Or wherever they are reading this. But they are reading… Aren’t they?  Must. Salvage. Blog!

Welcome to Mike’s F’d Up Journey Sans Frontières. Up until yesterday, Mike’s F’d Up Journey was merely the name of a band that got its name from…well that’s a story for another time. There’ll be plenty of time for flashbacks and origin stories later. Now we begin the story in medias res, which is Latin for in the Heat of the Moment (or some other song by Asia, I think. Sorry, our fact checker got fired for embezzlement. It’s been a rough first day of writing this blog.). Here. We. G.O.

Did I just divide go into two parts? Screw it. Keep going.

Previously on MFUJ: Our hero, Brick, was struggling to finish recording his fifth album, write the last couple of chapters of his novel, find a job and figure out whatever happened to the woman of his dreams. There were so many plot twists and emotionally charged montages set to maudlin music by whoever was the hip singer/songwriter du jour that the viewers could not contain their enthusiasm and helped get the show renewed for another season.

Well, it turns out the the show was just a convoluted metaphor for life and that is where MFUJ Sans Frontières comes in. Huh? Just like JLU expanded the scope beyond the original Justice League, MFUJSF is more than just the ravings of some random dude. No, this time it will cover a wide range of topics and it will go so deep into your soul that you will tremble and moan with ecstasy so pure that the neighbors will mistake your cries of supreme joy for a cat’s rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. Whether we get to that level is still up in the air but, together, we can make that a dream worth living for.

Oh no. I just compared this blog to achieving an o…They can still hear me? Uh oh…

This is but the first step on this journey. I’m not going to lie. It isn’t going to be pretty. Some of you might not make it. *Spoiler alert* You, in the blue shirt. No. Not the red head. You. Yes, you. Sorry. This doesn’t end well for you. I wish that I could say that you went peacefully and it served some greater purpose. Unfortunately, it’ll be sweeps week and the writers will be lazy and get rid of you just to get a cheap boost in ratings. We will however still see you at reunion specials and you might get to return later on and play your previously unmentioned evil twin out for revenge. See? You have something to look forward to.

We’ll see if there are any antagonists or romantic interests in store. For now we close on a zoom out shot of our hero, Brick, as he examines his newly furnished office at MFUJ Sans Frontières which replaced the MFUJ office that imploded in last season’s cliffhanger ending.

*roll credit music*