The less we love a woman, the more interested she will be in us. That woman's gonna break your heart.

As part of a cruel contractual obligation, Amethyst, everyone's favorite female producer... hmmm? Why did we point out her gender when we wouldn't have done that when talking about a male producer? Damn being politically correct is hard. Where were we? Oh yeah. Amethyst's contract required her to do ridiculous survey shows once in a while to fill the chasms that tended to form between programs and commercials, the real bread and butter of the network. The following are excerpts from a recent survey of the male employees.

Amethyst: A famous poet said once that the less we love a woman, the more interested she is in us. Is that true?

Jacques Ombre: Yes. Hmmm? You want more? Ok. Yes, it's true. Happy?

Slate: *****es be crazy.

Señor Tigre: I, for one, fall in love very easily, but the ladies, ahhh, they don't love me at all. But I still have the sexiest voice among extended cable voice over actors. So there. Call me?

Boss: The love you take is equal to the love you make.

Eugene Pterodactyl: Love? Who the **** cares about that pansy*** bull****? Where's my coffee, Amethyst?

Company Lawyer: The more you love a woman, the faster she gets a restraining order against you. Or so I've been told.

Company Janitor: Who can resist a man in a one piece jumpsuit? *starts crying* Everyone! I'm soooo alooone!

Random Businessman: Am I on the wrong floor? I came to speak with HR.

Social Media Guru: The more you love a woman , the more she will like your satus updates. That's what mother always said.

Brick: I don't know, Amethyst. That all depends.

Amethyst: On what?

Brick: Do you like me?

Amethyst refused to answer but her cold indifference spoke volumes.

Brick: Well, I guess we can say that the opposite is definitely true. Can I go now?

Amethyst turned off the camera and Brick went back to join his fellow Masters of Ephemera. If there's one thing that is always certain at a television station, it's that there are always more ****ing promos to be made. Everything else, including joy, is nothing more than an obstacle in the way.