Establishing shot of the MFUJSF office building drenched in mellow sunshine worthy of a 3 minute acoustic pop song. Ugh… We see our hero, Brick, sitting at his desk, nonchalantly searching the internet for songs to listen to and wondering about what direction to take with his life. He then realizes that the mundane details of his twenty-something year old life would only be interesting if sex and hip but utterly replaceable music are involved and the show is on the CW. Which it isn’t. Now I need a topic. Hmmm. *Looks at the title* Eureka! I’ll talk about endings. Or write about them. I literally took that too far by using the term literally.
Endings are hard. Duh. Wait, this is only the second post and already we’re talking about endings? Oh no. We got cancelled after one episode? Things end, sometimes too soon. Youth, romance, TV shows… Terriers! Firefly!! But endings can suggest a new beginning. How cliché of you, Brick? It could be the end of winter and the beginning of spring, the end of tyranny and the beginning of democracy or…the end of being a parasite still living at home with no job to the beginning of being a sycophantic gofer in service of the man. Yes endings are all around us and we can’t do anything but accept them because if we try to fight them, we won’t win. It’s like fighting the law (unless you’re a rich white guy), you just can’t win (even rich white guys can’t stop some things from ending, although they might try to delay them from ending until it’s just plain ridiculous). Things end.
Really, Einstein? Things End? That’s your whole big speech? No wonder you’re out of work and she left you. Low blow, italicized voice. Low blow…
As you might know, I’m working on trying to finish my novel. Some say that I’ve taken way too long to write it, and perhaps they are right. It was supposed to take place in the future but at the rate I’m going, 2033 will come and go and it’ll be seen as current. They don’t care about your book. You’re just like one of those desperate artists who has to advertise their stuff all the time because no one wants to see it anyway. What’s up with you? What’s up with you? While you sit here and argue with yourself, your audience has lost interest and moved on to twitter, youtube or they just want to go look at some hardcore… Enough! You know sex sells, dude. Witty banter will only take you so far. Whatever. I wanted to have a serious discussion about how difficult it is to wrap up a story that has lived inside you for almost two years, where the characters become extensions of you and their pain and struggles become your pain…Emo…But no. Apparently intelligent conversation is not popular. I have to become mainstream to appeal to the youth market. Make a movie starring ridiculously ripped dudes and unrealistically thin women with large bosoms and play trashy music and make lots of money. Yay!
*Movie Announcer voice*: Gerald Faulkner woke up in a hospital not knowing who he was. But sometimes, the past is not so easy to forget. Now, he will search the country for the men who ruined his life, stole his woman and totally dissed him in front of his crew. Starring some random male model who slept with the producer and costarring aging has-been B list actors as the villains and a former porn star as the one dimensional male fantasy of a woman disguised as a viable love interest but is really just a slap in the face to feminists everywhere. Featuring a highly anticipated soundtrack by Roger Waters featuring Jay Z. This summer one man will remember all the crap he’s been through and see through the bull shit. And when he does, he’ll say “Ha Ha, Charade You Are!” Rated R.
Oh god. Did we just advertise that movie? Hell yeah we did! I feel so cheap. You are cheap. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, endings. Sometimes an ending is a slow cool down, fading off into black, white or sepia. Sometimes it’s about climaxing so hard that she squeezes you tight as she moans… A happy ending, eh? Ha ha. Two posts in a row and you’re talking about o… And sometimes an ending is abrupt, unexpected and leaves nothing resolved, only more questions. Like, “if the whole story was a dream, why the hell did I just spend 300 pages reading about something that didn’t matter and had no actual consequences?” Or “why the hell were they vampire werewolves from mars? There was no suggestion that anything supernatural existed in the continuity of this story. Why the hell did they all end up being freaking vampire werewolves on mars?!” What can I say? Endings vary. Sometimes you start the song with a guitar solo and sometimes you finish with a badass fretboard workout. Something real face melting that’ll make people praise you thirty years after your last listenable album was released.
Brick looks at his desk and sees that time is almost up for this post and realizes he has to end this post on endings. What moral does this show end with? This show has morals? Well, I could end with the predictable Oedipal epic by the Doors but you’d expect that, wouldn’t you? Readers are so annoying when they try to predict what the author is trying to do. Writing is hard work. Stop judging us from your comfy chairs! Are you done? Yeah! Yeah… We’re going on and on and on… do not confine your mind to one frame but let it inhabit an infinite amount. Never settle for one point of view.
Zoom out with a corny message on the screen as Brick walks away from his desk and turns off the light. We see the telephone ring and just as the machine answers…
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