We interrupt your normal web surfing to bring you this burst of insanity from MFUJSF's resident pundit, Slate.
What is the deal with schools trying to make cafeteria food mandatory? Whatever happened to choice, people? Some schools are not only taking away the lovely sugar filled beverages and desserts that you and I enjoyed in our youth from the menu, but now they are also trying to take away the parent’s right to provide a homemade lunch for their kinder. This is outrageous! It’s the latest in a series of battles being waged in our schools. The rich, not wanting to pay more taxes, turn their hounds on the teachers’ unions. Now the schools are taking out their frustrations by forcing their unhealthy gruel down the throats of the students. This is not just!
I know who’s behind this campaign. No, it’s the administrators trying to squeeze as much money as they can from their students. It is in fact the cafeteria lady mafia, sometimes known as the lunch lady mafia. Forever angered by the inventions of the lunch box and brown paper bag, this cutthroat band of culinary geniuses have been struggling for years to cut Mom and Dad out of the picture when it comes to lunch. For years they’ve struggled against the exciting options kids have enjoyed from having the freedom to smuggle in contraband dunkaroos, lunchables and, the worst offenders of all, sandwiches made with love!
This group of hairnet wearing slop peddlers have had to endure the humiliation of not being able to serve every single student in their school… Until now. They’ve begun plans to try to make homemade lunch illegal, thus creating a convenient lunchtime monopoly for them. For you see, it’s not about the money for these queens of the kitchen with their glamorous lifestyles and opulent workplaces. No, it’s a matter of pride. They want the satisfaction of forcing their cooking down your children’s throats. No more will your kids have the option of eating your wonderful packed lunch or at least having something to barter with their friends at the table.
Can’t you see? A lunch lady monopoly is bad for the free exchange of sandwiches, beverages, fruits and crackers. Our forefathers fought and died to free us from the oppressive taxes on tea and other goods imposed on us by the British. Now the lunch lady mafia is trying to force you to lose the right to feed your own damn offspring.
Resist the cafeteria monopoly! Fight on!
- Slate Man is not an actual pundit or expert on how schools are run. He is merely an overly opinionated alter ego that sometimes erupts in nonsensical though occasionally humorous rants. The views expressed by Slate Man do not reflect those of MFUJSF or Google. If you would like to send hate mail, do not bother. Slate cannot read. It is against his beliefs. He takes his lunches very seriously. Very seriously!
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