Shadow saw a description for a rock video that read “*band name* performing *hit 60’s song* in front of some caged monkeys” and realized it was a great metaphor for how the music industry views music fans. He then tried writing a haiku about it but when he remembered that he had lost his book deal, he began drumming angrily instead, waiting for the levees to break.

As the world plunged into further turmoil and recession with no certainty of recovery or unity, people looked to their favorite artists for comfort or at least a quick escape. If their favorite band happened to be Mike’s F’d Up Journey, then they were doubly disappointed. Not only was the band’s reputation tarnished but each individual member of the band was also facing their own demons which had come back to haunt them. Slate was turned into a pariah for his uncontrollable libido and lack of discretion. Tigerman’s total detachment from reality meant that he was forever alone. And of course Brick was just a whiny little brat with a college degree.

That left Shadow, the sage responsible for the band’s locomotive rhythm section. Don’t believe us? Listen to the first few minutes of Sugar in the Raw with the speakers blasting at full volume. The drums dominate over the twin guitar snarl and bass thump.

Shadow had lost his source of revenue: his precious book deal. With no more easy money headed his way, the drummer was now merely a middle-aged has-been staring out into the horizon knowing he had already seen at least half of the sunrises and sunsets that he would ever see. After mixing himself a banana rum smoothie, he sat down on the porch and pondered what had gotten him to this point.

    Abandoned when he was little for reasons that remain unknown, Shadow grew up with next to nothing. With no family for support, he learned how to rely on his own skills and intelligence quickly. He taught himself how to read and began teaching himself everything that one should know. Unfortunately, in order to support himself, the young gorilla had to steal his food and trespass for shelter. He was fortunate to get away with it for as long as he did. One day, when he was caught stealing by a burnt out 80’s rock star whose entire career became obsolete thanks to Nirvana. Shadow faced a terrible dilemma. Either he had to go against his strict philosophy of non-violence and dispose of this substance addled washout from the glam metal scene or he had to face up to consequences of his actions, even if they were done merely to survive.

The noble gorilla put himself at the mercy of the bloated ex-member of Super Mario and the Koopa-Troopers. What happened next came as a complete surprise to him. Instead of turning Shadow over to the authorities, the rocker offered him a job. You see, after a solid decade of decadence doing everything and anything any self-respecting front man would do (and even some stuff that no self-respecting person would do), the rocker’s brain had been severely altered. Unfortunately the only thing that was damaged was the part responsible for empathy. He spared Shadow the humiliation of being arrested only to entrap him in servitude for the rest of his days.

And so the decades passed and the two of them worked together, reluctantly but consistently. As the rocker aged, became a record producer for Gamespot Records and changed his name to G Mod, Shadow worked behind the scenes to accommodate every twisted plan that G Mod would hatch. In 2007, G Mod got word that a young guitarist, Brick, was looking for a record contract; he immediately began plotting the creation of a new band that would make him a lot of money. While G Mod was busy scaring off the competitors in order to make sure that Brick signed on with him, Shadow had a very different assignment. The soulless record producer knew that Brick’s father was a legendary guitarist from the seventies from a now forgotten rock band. He also knew that Brick had a twin brother, Slate, and that without his other half, he would never be as great as he would otherwise. Convoluted family subplots aside, it was Shadow’s assignment to locate the exiled Slate, free him from his insanity and recruit him into the band. The ape took on the persona of the Shadowy Figure and lured Slate out of the darkness of isolation with promises of the one thing Slate desired most: revenge.

With G Mod signing Brick to his record label and Shadow successfully bringing Slate to the other side, the band was on its way to completion. Shadow was eventually recruited as the band’s drummer and Tigerman became the bassist. Shadow was reluctantly forced to play with this group that he had no desire to spend any time with. In order to keep the morale of the group high and independence of thought low, G Mod placated Shadow by giving him a book deal which allowed him to write as many poetry collections and whatnot as his heart desired. And that’s how it worked for years. Shadow was G Mod’s clandestine spy within the group and enjoyed pursuing writing on the side. Of course over time Shadow grew to feel a sense of camaraderie for his fellow musicians and feelings of guilt began to tear away at him.

Even after the band broke free of G Mod following the completion of the disastrous Love, Death, Loss & Redemption, Shadow never severed his link with the shady record producer and continued to do his bidding. He was the only one not surprised by G Mod’s return to power since he himself had helped to orchestrate it. If Brick ever discovered what Shadow had done, it would mean trouble with a capital R (Don’t ask; it is the way it is).

Now, with the band now devoid of revenue as well as street cred, Shadow pondered what future awaits him. He no longer had the book deal to distract him from his years of deceit and if he confronted G Mod about leaving, he would only face punishment for his actions as well as Brick’s Wrath when G Mod revealed who his partner had been all along.

Things looked sour for Shadow, like an overripe banana blistering in the August sun light. He reflected on the band playing in front of caged monkeys. What a perfect metaphor for rock fans... They blindly follow their favorite band and spend their hard earned pay to support them, sealing themselves away in a cage to enjoy their so-called entertainment. And then he sighed and realized that he was in fact the caged monkey, I mean ape. Success demanded him to hand over his liberty and thus…well, you get the picture.

With nothing left to write, he picked up his drum sticks and began to pound on his drum kit like a man possessed. Drumming was the only thing that had not let him down. He could only wait and see what happened when the levees of deceit would finally break and the truth finally came pouring out.