And now an original short story that has nothing to do with the misguided main MFUJSF plotline. Remember that short story about pyramid schemes? Well this will hopefully not be as bad as that was.
Shall we begin?
Oh ok we’ll wait.
It’s at the end of the hall on the left.
No, that’s the closet. Your OTHER left. Yeah that’s it.
*Whistles*
Finished? Ok let’s start.
The sun had called it quits hours ago when Brick slunk off the lousy old futon. Blue glowed from the muted television that was leaking infomercials into the dark room. Outside the crickets belted out their greatest hits to all their loyal insect fans. As Brick stumbled across his un-vacuumed carpet of unknown beasts, he stumbles over some unpaid bills, rejection letters and foreclosure warnings. With a resign sigh he kept on his way to the bathroom, his eyes red from lack of rest.
Sleep would not come no matter how hard he tried to relax or bore himself. Whatever price it cost, he could not pay it. He navigated the diagonal wooden boards in the hallway to avoid the big creakers that seem so much more noticeable in the silent void of night. As he reached the bathroom door it dawned on him that his measures for suppressing his walking noise was in vain. It had been weeks since anyone else was home.
“Huh….” he exhaled as he splashed his face with cold water.
The night was in its late middle age sometime after three thirty on its way to senility. Brick made his way down to the kitchen and grabbed himself a cup of stale water from the pitcher. On his way back, as he passed by one of the dining room window he came face to face with a masked figure who had come to burglarize the house.
Both he and his uninvited guest stood there for a second and blankly stared at one another.
“Well, um…this awkward” said the cat burglar.
“Yeah…”
“I thought no one was here that’s why I…”
“Yeah, I see you’re reasoning. I should have locked the window.”
“Made my job easier.”
“I imagine it took all the challenge out of breaking in…”
“Yeah, it did make it a bit too easy. I thought that I lucked out, but I guess I didn’t…”
“Nope…”
“Well…” the burglar said with a deflated ego. “I guess I should be going. It’ll be light soon and I don’t want to get caught.”
“Right. That would be a shame, what with the arrest, and the processing and all that negative publicity.”
“Exactly. Well, good night”
The Cat Burglar tried to climb back out the window but Brick prevented that by grabbing the crook’s arm.
“Wait.”
“What are you doing?”
“Do you want something to eat?”
“What?”
“You must be hungry.”
“I am, but…”
“I’d feel like a bad host if I let a guest go without eating.”
“Are you for real?”
“The jury’s still out on that one. What do you say?”
“I don’t know…”
“Please don’t go.”
The Cat Burglar sighed and agreed to a quick snack. Brick was ecstatic as he escorted the crook to the kitchen and turned the light on. The burglar, in full illumination was physically fit and was wearing a skin tight jumpsuit and ski mask which didn’t cover her blonde ponytail in the back.
“Nice” said Brick, causing the burglar to blush under her mask.
“Well, whatchagot?”
“Well, there’s some cereal in the cupboard, leftover pizza and Chinese food in the fridge and some frozen waffles in the freezer.”
“I think I’ll take the cereal…”
After fixing a couple of bowls of skim milk and raisin bran, the two sat down at the kitchen table which was cluttered with half eaten loaves of bread and condiments. Brick, feeling absolutely naked in his tank top and oversized pajama pants, stirred his cereal around for a minute before saying anything.
“So, uh… have long have you been in the burglary business…is it a business?”
“I think so... and not long. I just had some debt and I figured it’d be a quick way to make some cash.”
“Uhuh, I haven’t exactly been making a lot of cash lately either…You wouldn’t happen to be the Eerie Cat Burglar would you?”
She nods as she scoops up another spoonful of cereal.
“Wow…I have a celebrity in my kitchen and I look like a mess.”
“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t exactly give you much notice.”
“Right…”
“So what do you do?”
“Me? I’m a musician, a writer and an out of work actor.”
“Oh, that’s nice. How’s that going for you?”
“Could be better.”
“Well, uh, good luck with that.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Brick thought long and hard when he reached the bottom of his bowl.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do with your life? Cat Burglaring?”
“It’s not ideal, but I’m good at what I do and it helps me get by. I know I’m not a saint but I try not to take from people who can’t afford to lose anything. I usually try to take things that people wouldn’t miss too much or could easily replace.”
“Are you…”
“I am who I am.”
“I see.”
The Cat Burglar drops her spoon into the bowl and stands up. “I’ve got to get going. It’s getting late.”
“I understand.”
“Thanks for the cereal. Sorry about ruining your night.”
“Oh no problem” Brick says as he walks the Cat Burglar to the window.
“Well I guess it’s goodbye.”
“Wait a second” Brick says as he rushes to the bookshelf and grabs a twenty dollar bill from his piggy bank. “Here. Take it.”
“What?”
“I disrupted your routine and I figured you could use the cash.”
“Um, thanks.” She replied as she stared at the bill for a few seconds before pocketing it. She kissed him on the cheek before making her getaway out the window.
Brick, stared at dark glass in the light colored frame for a few moments, hearing only the low rumbling of the twin dehumidifiers in the basement below him.
“I always have to meet the weird ones, don’t I?”
No comments:
Post a Comment