Mike's F'd Up Journey Sans Frontières

Mike's F'd Up Journey Sans Frontières

Friday, March 2, 2012

Meet the New Boss, same as...No, he couldn't be the same, could he? That wouldn't be fair.

Well, look what happened while we were away. Tigerman actually landed a job. Yes. That's right. That six foot tall anthropomorphic creature that plays the bass, writes love letters to women who would never in a million years be interested in him and was almost turned into a rug after he misplaced a pair of cheap sunglasses. That guy. He is now among the employed. I guess the recession is over. It seems like they'll hire anyone these days. You're telling me. I just got named partner at a prestigious law firm. I don't even know any laws. That's crazy, italicized voice. Hey! That's Italicized voice, Esq. Ah jeez...

So anyways, now that the threat of angry protesters, led by a enigmatically charismatic bear in a Che Guevara t-shirt (or was it a charismatically enigmatic Che in a bear t-shirt? The world may never know)  had been directed towards some direction opposite that of our heroes (Heroes? Isn't that a strong term for a bunch of misfits? Well, 'misfit's is already taken), it's amazing that Tigerman managed to gain lawful employment at the elusive Tiger International Channel, home to great programming like "This Old Tiger" & "The Adventures of Tiger & Tiger". The world's most respected journalists all watch "Eye of the Tiger News" and weep at its brilliance.

Having taken a long walk from MFUJ HQ Mark II until he reached the nearest city (over a hundred miles away),  Tigerman finally arrived at that place where magic happened, the building featuring the Tiger International channel studio. After spending a good thirty seconds pushing a door that was clearly labeled pull, he entered the lobby and asked the well mannered security chief how to reach the studio....  Seriously? where are we in Canada? People aren't polite. Just keep going.

Tigerman took the elevator to the office floor. Upon exiting the steel box, he found himself bewildered by the almost warehouse starkness of it all.

"Am I in the right place?" the dazed cat mused.

All along the walls there were posters for shows and movies like "Tiger Royale", "No Country for Old Tigers" and "The Tiger That Came in From the Cold". Windowless doors, desolate brick walls and a stack of garbage cans were all that Tigerman could find as he wandered the circular hallway. Eventually he bumped into a scrawny leopard who was lingering in the hallway.

"Excuse me," Tigerman said in an almost embarassed tone.

"Yeah?" asked the leopard.

"I'm looking for the head of Tiger International."

"The office is down the hall, that way."

"Thanks."

"Oh and don't be so nervous."

"Huh?"

"You look like you're about to have a heart attack. Don't worry. He's just a cat. They're all just cats."

"Ok..."

The leopard, with a wry grin, walked away.

Tigerman knocked on the wooden door of the locked office. After about 30 seconds of knocking, a balding cheetah let him in and through the secondary glass door that hid the nicely decorated office with hardwood floors. As he was admiring the decor, Tigerman was approached by a pantsuit wearing cougar with long brown hair (seriously? A cougar? Could the writing get any lazier?).

"Tigerman?"

"Yes."

"You made it after all."

"Yeah, I suppose I did."

"The boss is waiting for you."

"Ok."

She started walking further into the office area, leading him with her tail ( C'mon! You did not just write that! That is so wrong... yet oddly right. Dammit! Now you have me talking about it.)   As they turned the corner and pass a supportt beam, Tigerman comes face to face with the head honcho of Tiger International, a towering , imposing Tiger with a claw the size of a softball.

"Tigerman?"

"Yes sir?"

"I'm the head of Tiger International. Follow me."

Not wanting to anger the fearsome leader of the world's most successful feline owned TV channel in history, Tigerman followed the big boss to a small office area. The head honcho gestured for him to sit down and our favorite bass player sat.

"I understand that you were in a band?"

"Yes, sir."

"Uhuh. Do you have any experience working at TV studio?"

"No, but I am a quick learner. When I joined the band, I only knew one note but now I can play like a real beast...um, sorry. Didn't mean to brag."

"No, no. bragging can be good."

"Ok."

"Do you see a future with yourself at this company?"

"Yes?"

"Well, that's good enough for me. I'll contact you soon. I'm currently in the middle of a tough negotiation. I'm trying to acquire the Lion Network as well as Panther... well, you know. Business is business."

"Yes it is."

"I like you. You don't waste any words. Very concise and agreeable."

"mmm-hmm.

"I'll escort you out."

The next minute was an awkward stroll through the building, opening doors for one another and near silence. They finally arrived at the elevator and the head of Tiger International shook Tigerman's paw and wished him a safe trip home. The leopard was also standing by the elevator, still smug.

"That was fast," he said to Tigerman.

"Yeah...." replied the usually unlucky feline as he stepped onto the steel elevator and went back downstairs.

Everything seemed to be going well for the big cat until... Oh man, an 'until'!

The head of Tiger International received a call on his cell phone as he was walking back to his office.

"Hello...yes, yes. Tigerman showed up as you said he would....he was an insufferable nitwit, but I will honor our agreement and find him some sort of job here....no, I haven't forgotten what you've done for me. But this is the last time I do you a favor. After this, we're even. Ok. Goodbye...G Mod."

dun...Dun...DUN!!!!!!!!

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